You and Your Pussycat Eyes

 Greetings friends!   Our Kitty Cat,  a barn cat whom we brought from our farm 4 years ago is named Jewel.   She's kind of in kitty hospice now.  I mentioned this in a previous post.  Wife after lots of diagnosis back 5 months ago knew Jewel was at the end of the trail.  A day came when Jewel seemed sicker and wife took her in for a planned putting down. I was sadder about it that I expected to be.  But something happened.  Wife and Jewel get to the vet's.  The regular vet was off on a call;  the other vet was to put Jewel down.  He handled the cat.  He talked to my wife and decided to run some vitals on Jewel. Yes she had lots of problems.  But he felt she could have some time left and we could watch her carefully.  This was about 4 months ago.  So we still have Jewell!   On that day that she came home alive wife had got Jewel fed and medicated and she carried Jewel to my bed where I was lazying under the blankies.        She layed Jewel on top of me.  Jewel was getting her bearings with almost no sight.  She put her nose right up to my face.  There were these two green, big, beautiful eyes  giving me a staring contest.  What a wonderful gift for an old mortal like me.  My mind had been filled with the hate in the world.  Wife and Jewel have fixed me at least for today.  Something had happened (again) and I was laughing and crying at the same time.                      LLITTY    :::::+:::::

everything is smaller and slower; no more driving at night

 Hello readers . Been maybe 4 months since I logged in to post.   I know I wasn't too busy to post.  In fact I have plenty of free time.  There was a time when "free time" was something I longed for.  Now I have the time,  and I have to remind myself that I'm lucky.  I find myself watching the world.  My country,  my region, my state, county , town.  Our town.   I see the folly in men over and over.  I'm very disappointed in my fellow man.   I guess I've lost or forgotten almost all of my psyco-social coping skills.  It's hard to just let things go.  And now after seven years or so my anxiety  has settled into  a defense reaction.  It's simple. I go nowhere.  I see no one.  I do nothing.  This used to be called "shut-in depression".  What I experience in isolation used to be called a "nervous breakdown."   I'm not entirely an island. I have a loving wife who understands.  I travel out where stores and people are all around.   I must do that to function and provide.    I wear a mask inside the stores.  When I see someone else with a mask I know they've had a nervous breakdown too.  When I wear the mask some people hate me for it...and some folks love me for it. Isn't that strange.

Last month (Feb) at some point the weather media was talking about a big snowstorm in January.  They kept saying "next week"  A daily threat which seemed to me to just be "click-bait".  The media just has to have a big story.  And they simply create the whopper if needed.  Now I assume everything I hear or read is a lie.  So instead of being lied to....I just avoid the liars.  And I do self help to counteract so I can laugh rather than cry due to frightening future scenarios. So here is what I did on Groundhog Day:   I read an article on the scroll about geezers shoveling snow.  Yes yes.... we all know :  heart attacks and stokes.  But part of the free advice was helpful.   Elders should not work shoveling too long at one time.  It's not a race.  Work 20 minutes,  rest ten or 15.   Shovel during the snowstorm so the accumulation doesn't get ahead of you.  Use a plowing shovel so you are not lifting;  only pushing.         So I find myself going to Seaford.  Phil,the GH saw his shadow and the day was sunny.  I went to a store called Big Lots.  I found a plow shovel that suited me.  At the check out I talked with the nice lady.  I told her 4 geezer things:   1.  "Sorry about the mask but my Dr. says I am crazy high risk."   2. I am buying the shovel now and I'll take it out to the car and come back in for more shopping because   I don't want to risk forgetting the shovel!  3.  Everyone in Sussex county owes me thanks because by buying my brand new shovel I have insured that I won't need it all via Murphey's law.    The cashier got it and laughed,  but this couple behind me was like "wait, what"   4.  Happy Groundhog Day!

Awake

"Show me the country where the bombs had to fall.

show me the ruins of the buildings once so tall.

And I'll show you young man, with so many reasons why.

There but for fortune ...  Go you and I.

LLITTY   ::::::+::::::

I was so much older then. I'm younger than that now

 Hey Shipmates......long time. me gone... since June.    Today has been a good day.  Good day/bad day        has been a mental roller coaster last few years.  But I know today must be a good day-  because I find myself writing to you.  How can I feel cheerful enough to type?   A bunch of stars have to cross and numbers align. And remedies taken.  And rest.  And dreams that are soft  and memorable.   This morning I awoke thinking very sentimental, romantic,  and childlike.  That hasn't happened to me in years.   I got up and headed down the hall and there was my wife sitting as she often does on the couch with her cat named Jewel on her lap.  Jewel is old and near the end of the trail and liking the kind of attention she is getting.  Wife's dogs are Mia and Roxy and they are lying around quietly.  Wife and I greet each other with a           "morning"  After 34 years of marriage there is electricity between us.  My blood glucose level is OK,         but getting close to low.  I fix a coffee mug full of dry cereal.  The cereal is called "Magic Spoon".  Wife asks me to fetch her glasses and let the dogs out.  She can't get up because she is "Kittenapped"  on the couch.  I go back to bed.  I do not turn on TV or computer.   I check my blood sugar quick and easy with a sensor glued on to my upper arm.  I pull the comforter up to my ears and lie still, not fully expecting to get to sleep.  Sleep exactly 2 hours.  Get up feeling O.K.  I drink an Atkins shake. I take my daily meds and insulin. I ask wife to make some coffee.  I head to the shed and take out some paper bags with paper trash and some cardboard boxes and burn it all in my 55 gallon drum.  I go back to the house.  Check glucose level.  I nuke 1/3 of a cheesesteak,  take it to my bed and TV.  I eat the sub with a fork and bypass the bread.  I watch about a half an hour of a Halmark movie.  I get up and head back to the shed.  Where am I getting the energy?  I usually do one thing a day.  And my arthritis is not bothering me.  I drag a big box out of the shed.  It's heavy and work it up into my truck.  It's a xmas tree.  New in the box. 7.5 ft. pine.  Been sitting in storage for years.  I took it to Goodwill.  We just never got around to setting it up.  After Goodwill I went to McD's for a burrito and coffee, which I took to a place called TS Smith Orchard where I had my burrito and coffee and watched the sunset.   OMG.  There had been a misty fog all day and now  the entire sky had turned blue dappled with pink and orange.  It was getting darker and lighter at the same time.  Enjoyed the short ride home.  Wife was back with Jewel and reminded me the trash can was to go out.  Another thing to do!  This is the most productive I've been in years.  Will I ache tomorrow ?  I went to my bed and watched another Hallmark and made a shake out of Carbsmart Bryers Vanilla.  I did not doom scroll on the internet.  I did not watch TV news.   Yes this was a good day.       

Addendum:          To the Pro's from Dover:   I owe you both greetings and fellowship.  We have the finest aviation club in the world.   I can't keep up with you guys....but you are family and I know we all love each other and have for 50 years.  Tailwinds and sweet dreams and shout outs to your wives and all the fams.           LLITTY    :::::+:::::         You are not what happens to you. You are the space in which it happens.

Nylon Capital

 G'Day Friends

I have to write a post that doesn't mention my medical challenges. And now I guess I just mentioned them.    A few weeks ago I was trying to unclutter my bedroom closet and I had a few rifles from days gone by.  Just .22's.   They were stored safely but not properly.  They were not valuable.  But one was kind of interesting.  It was a .22 called a "Nylon".   I had bought it years ago because when I was a young tyke my father had come home with one of these and we kids were amazed.  The stock was nylon.  The color was green.  It was like a toy.  We got to shoot the rifle and my father was really ratcheting up the safety rules "this is not a toy!"   The Nylon that I bought years later was the color of wood.  I took the Nylon and another vintage .22 to a pawn shop in Seaford De. about 9 miles south on good old Rt. 13.  The folks at the pawn shop were nice and they rejected the old bolt action .22 as it needed a minor repair.  But the Nylon they were keen about.  They said "you want to pawn or sell it or what"  just like the guy on the reality show.  I said sell and we had a deal.  The guy writes up my receipt and says:  Do you know about this rifle and where it was made?  I said not really.   He says  "The Dupont factory two miles from here was built for the purpose of manufacturing these rifles."  Seaford is known as the nylon capital of the world and Seaford is all about the Duponts.   When I was flying light twin airplanes out of Baltimore on charter I used to fly some of the Dupont family members.  Also the Dupont farm and summer cottage at Horn Point ties into my aviation life and career.  I could write many a chapter about Horn Point my fond memories of the fly ins there.  I'm digressing. 

I leave the pawn shop with a new used set of binos,  Bushnell.  Well, right next to the pawn shop there is a music store which I have been going to for 30 years.  I stroll in there.  I ask them about mini guitars.  Minies are often 3/4 scale guitars.  For a child or someone acting like a child.  I wound up buying a "Yamaha Jr." in "like new" condition.  It is cute I love it. It had about the same value as the rifle I had just sold.

As I drove back north on Rt. 13 for home, a phrase kept running through my mind   Their swords into plow shares,  or something like that.  Is it from the bible?       Does my life have to be a metaphor.            I said goodbye to a firearm and hello to a cute little guitar.

"They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks.   Nation will not take up sword against nation.   They shall study war no more"     Isaiah 2

                           LLITTY      :::::+:::::

The Binary Irony of Cell Phones......A Geezers Lament

 Hey folks.........   it's a Sunday and my wife is at a dog show.  I'm at home relaxing with a dog and cat and 2 barn cats and a slew of hummingbirds   I want to write a post about cell phones and the ironies of it all for me.  I've had heart trouble Afib for 18 years.  But in the last 3 months or so my heart condition has gotten worse.  I'm wearing an 8 day ekg monitor as I type.  And I have an echo sonogram coming up.  I spent 10 hours in the ER at Nanticoke to get my pulse rate under control.  My goal in life right now is to stay calm. And stay alive.  What has heart trouble to do with cell phones?  As I sat down here a few minutes ago and thought about relating my story my heart rate was going crazy.  It's because the cell phone topic causes me anxiety.  It turns out I don't really want to talk about cell phones.   So I will change my format here and just make random statements and some of you readers may identify with me, probably not,  I'm solo on this rant!        

Verizon started the problems for me out of the clear blue

They said they can no longer support my old flip phone

I had just put a brand new battery in my old flip phone and it was working great

I had no choice but to get a new phone.

So I got an Android Galaxy Samsung  Verizon AO3s smart phone.

It had GPS and Music and of course a thousand other things...Apps   Apps Apps

The Verizon Store would help me switch the number over from flip to smart

It's very difficult to even make that appointment.  Long story too long for now

I had the phone 3 months and it was frustrating me.  Long story  too long for now

I ordered a new flip phone that they would support.......Long story

Dealt with Verizon a lot more  Long story

Wait Mr. Lloyd:  you want to upgrade back down to a flip?  Are you sure?  BIG long story!

My heart is acting up thru all of this....Long story  Big long story

Finally get my new little flip phone   and keep the Android aside without a number

I still after 3 weeks or so have trouble learning the new flip,  but not frustration

My heart is fluttering just thinking about this

The Android makes me anxious and sad

The TCL Flip makes me happy and not worried about cell phones

I had a bag phone called a "car phone"  in 1995 and cell phones from then on

100% of my sociogram thinks I am a stupid ass for getting the flip.  They are right!

Readers,  the longest day approaches ..  it's windy and warm today and sunny and I'm glad the ER fixed me so I can see and feel these things.  Instead of day by day I'm takin' life hour by hour.  Nature is real,

life is in the mind.        Peace                LLITTY        :::::+:::::

  

  

 

I Come and Stand at Every Door

 Hi friends...    

In an earlier post I talked about having too many things to pray about and feel so sad about.                         And how Dylan had decided a big storm of thunder and lightning could seem to be as church                       bells tolling for the underdog and forsaken .  There's just too much trauma and terror every day.                  The recent killings of children hit me very hard.  I have a heart condition and I'm always trying to               tamp down.  I wound up in the ER last week with a surprise spiky arrythmia.  So I guess my heart               is twice broken now.   I can't wrap my head around the cruelty .  I've stopped asking "why?"  "why?"         There are lots of poems about peace and protest.  This is the one we all need to hear right now.                                                                                                                                                                                              ' I come and stand at every door.  Though none can hear my silent tread.  I knock and yet remain unseen       For I am dead  For I am dead.   I'm only seven although I died in Hiroshima long ago..I'm seven now as I was then... when children die      They do not grow.

My hair was scorched by swirling flame    my eyes grew dim my eyes grew blind    Death came and turned my bones to dust    and that was scattered by the wind.

I need no fruit I need no rice.  I need no sweets nor even bread.  I ask for nothing for myself.                    For I am dead.  For I am dead.     All I ask is that for peace,  you fight today you fight today                    So that the children of this world may live and grow and run and play.                                                 

                                  LloydLou ITTY             :::::+:::::