Monday, April 6, 2020
April, Come she has
Hello readers. I hope you are safe. To all of you on the front lines: thank you. You are brave and kind. Literally risking your lives every exhausting day. I am praying for you all the time. I can't seem to think about anything except the pandemic. To prevent myself from melting down into panic and despair I have to turn my ever thinking mind off. The way to do it is: stop time, be present in the moment. The now. Be your dog. Some folks escape their tormenting mind with alcohol. It works for a while. Then you sober up and get sadder than before. Same with other drugs. Except for a few that can show you the Now, and once you can find the presence, you won't need the drug anymore. My wife and I, like everyone else, have nothing but free time sheltering at home. That's why I can write here, which I haven't done much of for four years. The grass is growing here now. I've got my JD zero turn out and pumped up. I used to like mowing because it gave me time to think. I would go back and forth on brain autopilot planning the future, worrying. Dwelling on the past, trying to spin it. Now when I mow I am "present" on the job. With every pass, every turn, every height adjustment. I am conscious of my inner body sitting on the machine. I am conscious of the grass clippings. The smell of the grass. The smell of the neighbor's fertilizer, my wife's voice calling the dogs. I used to hustle as sunset approached because I wanted to finish up on "time". This is an example of how the pandemic and my study of the "presence process" seem to converge in my life. I love to mow. I missed a lot of the mowing in my life because I wasn't "there". Flying is different. For another post. I noticed that some of the ballads I like to sing seem to refer to the Now. I never noticed that. Jim Croce had a cool line in a song called "Hey Tomorrow". He said: "Hey tomorrow... I'm through wastin' what's left of me." Dylan had a song I used to sing "Chimes of Freedom" the Byrds smoothed it out and made it listenable, a tad bubblegummy. Just like they did with Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man". In the last phrases of Chimes of Freedom is the line: "Starry eyed and laughing, I recall when we were caught …. could find no track of hours for they hang suspended. We listened one last time and we watched with one last look...Spellbound and swallowed till the tolling ended." The narrator is describing some kids in the Now. My friends I love you. Be safe. It's 5:30. I shall go mow a bit and watch the sunset. LLITTY :::::+:::::
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Stream of Consciousness
A blog post from Lloyd after months of nada. Here comes more nada. Who knows, maybe a tidbit of something coherent. I feel lucky. That's a weird thing to say considering we are just at the beginning, on Sunday March, 29, 2020, of this pandemic. I feel thankful. I am thankful for the dedication of our health professionals. I am concerned, frightened and saddened about them as their PPE safety equipment is either in extremely short supply or non-existent. There is a lot of tragedy to go around. There is a lot of heroic sacrifice and bravery too. I'm grateful to be on the sideline and not in the arena. But I have a question. Since I was already burned out over the last six years with some tough changes. And I had worked on ways of forgetting the past and realizing I couldn't predict the future. And sometimes I can successfully stop time and it's trappings and just "be". Turning off one's mind is no easy task. But I've had some good teachers, and it's not rocket science. Takes practice. OK here's my question. In the face of the crisis, when my only job is "shelter at home". Should I feel guilty because I can unplug it all, and not just be free of despair, but actually be happy in the moment. Two out of three mentors couldn't handle the question much better than I could. I did get the answer from a Sioux Indian's book. Written by Billy Mills. A guy who won the 10,000 meter run in the Olympics in Japan in 1964. Never been won by an American before, and never won by an American since. His story and his teachings made me cry. After my cancer treatments I used to cry a lot. Usually it was when I was talking about a friend or family member and describing their strength, wisdom and kindness. But back about a year ago, the crying slowed down and stopped. Now with the pandemic it has come back again. When I think of, or talk about the health professionals, some who are friends and family. I'm glad the crying is back. I know it means I'm a bit mental, but I don't care. Readers.. I love you. Please be safe. Now I shall read a book about "showing up" in one's own life! With my wife's cat. She's a portal to the "Now". LLITTY :::::+:::::
Thursday, December 12, 2019
December is here in full swing. Mostly I've been hiding in my rooms. My rooms are: a bedroom too small to accommodate it's queen sized bed, a den too small to be called a bedroom, and a barn corner with a small wood stove. All together they could be considered a spartan man cave. I watch a lot of Hallmark movies Read books a chapter at a time. Take my pills and my insulin. Watch my wife come and go through her busy schedule. She's fun to look at. December has gotten so busy that I find myself overwhelmed. An old Tin Pan Alley song sums it up for me: "May all your days be merry- Your seasons full of cheer- but "till it's January- I'll just go and disappear- Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes- But Santa only brought me the Blues....Those brightly packaged, tinsel covered, Christmas------Blues!
Saturday, December 7, 2019
Lucky 13
Hey friends. Merry Christmas. Time for more Delaware musings. We moved into our "downsize"
house in Delaware about a year and a half ago. It suits us fine.
Back when we lived in Maryland I used to do a lot of shopping along the Delaware Rt. 13 "retail corridor". Our old place was only 22 miles from our new place. Our new place is crazy near that "retail corridor" So now when I shop in Seaford, I'm hanging out where I used to, for the last 27 years. All this is on the Delmarva Peninsula. Rt. 13 is a north/south road that kind of bisects the peninsula. From our house we can hear trucks on Rt.13. A distant roar. We can hear train whistles
too. I like those. Our neighborhood is farms and forest and suburbia. Rt. 13 is in most places a median divided highway. In most places 55mph. There are no ramps. Just stop lights and stop signs.
And tiny towns like Greenwood, and bigger towns like Dover and Salisbury. Rt. 13 goes thru 3
states: Delaware, Maryland and Virginia. Rt. 13 is full of: hidden entrances, vegetable stands,
strip malls, Royal Farms gas stations, farm fields, forests, traffic lights, main streets in small towns.
Rt. 13 is one big automobile accident. Exactly one year ago on our wedding anniversary we were coming home from a wonderful dinner at the best restaurant in Seaford. We were sitting at a red light of course on Rt. 13. We got smashed fairly hard in the rear end. We were the last car hit in a five car
accident. Welcome to Delaware and Rt. 13. Happy Anniversary. Luckily we weren't hurt. The other 4 cars, not so lucky. Fortunately no one killed.
Now it's this year's anniversary. Wife and I went to a place in Milford we like called "Irish Eyes".
A fun time. So driving home it crossed our minds that this time last year we had a mishap.
I was telling wife that I thought the Subaru was whining or groaning especially at highway speeds.
She took the car in to the shop the following day. They found the noise: wheel bearings going bad on rear wheels. While they were at it: oil change, oil pan leak, front brakes. So: Eastern Shore Lloyd:
"you just tore up 1700 bucks". Happy Anniversary!
The day before our anniversary I went out to Rt. 13 to get wife an anniversary card. I went to seven! different places on the Rt. 13 retail corridor. The very first place I stopped was an antique store called "Antique Alley". I got her a nice old butterfly pin. I saw some tumblers with cartoon characters on them and I fell in love with them. I will give them as Christmas gifts. After our anniversary I was showing my December bride the glasses and she asked if she could have the
"Tweety bird" glass. I went through the seven glasses I had bought and found the "Sylvester" glass.
I put the two glasses on the kitchen counter where she was making lemon tarts and said: "This is a set. I got them out on Rt, 13. Happy Anniversary and Merry Christmas"!
OK. This post is way too long and I've forgotten how to write. I gotta go out to Lowes now.
Guess where that is.
LLITTY :::::+:::::
house in Delaware about a year and a half ago. It suits us fine.
Back when we lived in Maryland I used to do a lot of shopping along the Delaware Rt. 13 "retail corridor". Our old place was only 22 miles from our new place. Our new place is crazy near that "retail corridor" So now when I shop in Seaford, I'm hanging out where I used to, for the last 27 years. All this is on the Delmarva Peninsula. Rt. 13 is a north/south road that kind of bisects the peninsula. From our house we can hear trucks on Rt.13. A distant roar. We can hear train whistles
too. I like those. Our neighborhood is farms and forest and suburbia. Rt. 13 is in most places a median divided highway. In most places 55mph. There are no ramps. Just stop lights and stop signs.
And tiny towns like Greenwood, and bigger towns like Dover and Salisbury. Rt. 13 goes thru 3
states: Delaware, Maryland and Virginia. Rt. 13 is full of: hidden entrances, vegetable stands,
strip malls, Royal Farms gas stations, farm fields, forests, traffic lights, main streets in small towns.
Rt. 13 is one big automobile accident. Exactly one year ago on our wedding anniversary we were coming home from a wonderful dinner at the best restaurant in Seaford. We were sitting at a red light of course on Rt. 13. We got smashed fairly hard in the rear end. We were the last car hit in a five car
accident. Welcome to Delaware and Rt. 13. Happy Anniversary. Luckily we weren't hurt. The other 4 cars, not so lucky. Fortunately no one killed.
Now it's this year's anniversary. Wife and I went to a place in Milford we like called "Irish Eyes".
A fun time. So driving home it crossed our minds that this time last year we had a mishap.
I was telling wife that I thought the Subaru was whining or groaning especially at highway speeds.
She took the car in to the shop the following day. They found the noise: wheel bearings going bad on rear wheels. While they were at it: oil change, oil pan leak, front brakes. So: Eastern Shore Lloyd:
"you just tore up 1700 bucks". Happy Anniversary!
The day before our anniversary I went out to Rt. 13 to get wife an anniversary card. I went to seven! different places on the Rt. 13 retail corridor. The very first place I stopped was an antique store called "Antique Alley". I got her a nice old butterfly pin. I saw some tumblers with cartoon characters on them and I fell in love with them. I will give them as Christmas gifts. After our anniversary I was showing my December bride the glasses and she asked if she could have the
"Tweety bird" glass. I went through the seven glasses I had bought and found the "Sylvester" glass.
I put the two glasses on the kitchen counter where she was making lemon tarts and said: "This is a set. I got them out on Rt, 13. Happy Anniversary and Merry Christmas"!
OK. This post is way too long and I've forgotten how to write. I gotta go out to Lowes now.
Guess where that is.
LLITTY :::::+:::::
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Stream of Consciousness
Hello Readers. I love you. Here it is November 12th in Delaware. The high yesterday was 73. It is snowing as I write! Plan for today: Write here. Watch the snow turn to rain. Watch the rain. Watch Hallmark Christmas movies. Stare into the abyss.
Here's a little Delaware story. When we moved the 20 miles from our Maryland farm, I moved three hobby cars with me. One was a 1970 VW Beetle. I have a post or two about the car years ago in this blog. Last Spring I took the Beetle to Georgetown, De, with it's Maryland tags, to the MVA for inspection. It failed in a hundred ways. But it was running great and had brand new tires and every single light worked and wipers and everything else. So I drove the car away from the test bays and over to the admin building. I talked to the folks there ( after a wait of course) about antique or historic tags. But, long story, no joy. So I wander out to the parking lot a very sad bug owner. While I was getting ready to leave, a passerby said to me "nice beetle". Then I heard myself say
" Yeah, you want to buy it, it just flunked inspection!" The guy says simply and quietly, "yes".
"How much you want for it?". I hear myself say: "I just put a grand into it. It's worth $4 K even without the inspection. I'll take $2K- or offer!" He says I love it I want it but there is one thing
I have to check. Let me pull out the back seat and see the battery compartment. If there is rust there it is usually bad. I said OK as long as you yank the seat and reinstall it. So he does, and it is fine.
We shake on the $2K . A few hours later he shows up at our house with the cash. After title etc.
he says "this is kind of a coincidence deal". I said "because I sold you a car in the MVA parking lot
on the spur of the moment?". He said, "well yeah, this is a very cool house, and my high school science teacher built this house and I have been in it several times years ago.
Here's a little Delaware story. When we moved the 20 miles from our Maryland farm, I moved three hobby cars with me. One was a 1970 VW Beetle. I have a post or two about the car years ago in this blog. Last Spring I took the Beetle to Georgetown, De, with it's Maryland tags, to the MVA for inspection. It failed in a hundred ways. But it was running great and had brand new tires and every single light worked and wipers and everything else. So I drove the car away from the test bays and over to the admin building. I talked to the folks there ( after a wait of course) about antique or historic tags. But, long story, no joy. So I wander out to the parking lot a very sad bug owner. While I was getting ready to leave, a passerby said to me "nice beetle". Then I heard myself say
" Yeah, you want to buy it, it just flunked inspection!" The guy says simply and quietly, "yes".
"How much you want for it?". I hear myself say: "I just put a grand into it. It's worth $4 K even without the inspection. I'll take $2K- or offer!" He says I love it I want it but there is one thing
I have to check. Let me pull out the back seat and see the battery compartment. If there is rust there it is usually bad. I said OK as long as you yank the seat and reinstall it. So he does, and it is fine.
We shake on the $2K . A few hours later he shows up at our house with the cash. After title etc.
he says "this is kind of a coincidence deal". I said "because I sold you a car in the MVA parking lot
on the spur of the moment?". He said, "well yeah, this is a very cool house, and my high school science teacher built this house and I have been in it several times years ago.
Monday, January 7, 2019
I'm Still Here...Sort of
My last post was 3 and a half years ago. I went through a lot of changes as people almost always do.
As I type to you now my friends I am a quite different person. I hope a better person. I think most of us remain basically the same. Just to reach the age of 69 and a half.... that in and of itself is a pretty
good chunk a pie. Then add to that, I was a suburban kid with parents that stayed together 50 years.
Now my wife and I are 31 years married. When I got cancer she saved my life. I've never known not knowing when or where my next meal was to be. Or where I might sleep. When I was a kid, we were not rich, but my dad worked every day. Middle class. Nobody in my family hardly suffered, nor my brothers and sister. Christmas trees. Clothes for Christmas for school. I always had shoes. Not the ones I wanted. I was not spoiled. I happened to live in a land where it is possible to be spoiled. My whole life and having a great life is because I was simply lucky. My DNA and timing in space/time simply gave me an easy life. You would think I should be thanking and celebrating every day. More and more I try to do just that. It is a pleasure and a privilege to be posting this post. My dear friends and readers I wish you a wonderful Solstice, Advent, Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, New Years Eve, New years Day, the Twelve Days, Twelfth night, I'm hoping to post a little more often. So I'll talk to you soon. Thank you.
"Silver-white Winters that melt into Springs"
LLITTY ::::::+::::::
As I type to you now my friends I am a quite different person. I hope a better person. I think most of us remain basically the same. Just to reach the age of 69 and a half.... that in and of itself is a pretty
good chunk a pie. Then add to that, I was a suburban kid with parents that stayed together 50 years.
Now my wife and I are 31 years married. When I got cancer she saved my life. I've never known not knowing when or where my next meal was to be. Or where I might sleep. When I was a kid, we were not rich, but my dad worked every day. Middle class. Nobody in my family hardly suffered, nor my brothers and sister. Christmas trees. Clothes for Christmas for school. I always had shoes. Not the ones I wanted. I was not spoiled. I happened to live in a land where it is possible to be spoiled. My whole life and having a great life is because I was simply lucky. My DNA and timing in space/time simply gave me an easy life. You would think I should be thanking and celebrating every day. More and more I try to do just that. It is a pleasure and a privilege to be posting this post. My dear friends and readers I wish you a wonderful Solstice, Advent, Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, New Years Eve, New years Day, the Twelve Days, Twelfth night, I'm hoping to post a little more often. So I'll talk to you soon. Thank you.
"Silver-white Winters that melt into Springs"
LLITTY ::::::+::::::
Monday, August 3, 2015
been a while
Summer daze.
My last post was in the Spring. Now it's mid summer. Just had a blue moon on Friday. And now it's August. The mornings have been wonderful. I sit in the shade There is always a bit of a breeze. Wife occasionally joins me. We drink coffee. Evenings have been fantastic. Sunsets. Lightning light shows. Bright moons and moon shadows. Saturday, August 1st I took the little airplane about 14 miles to Cambridge to fill it up with gas. It only holds 14 gallons. My Ford pick up hold 25 gallons. I made this flight in the morning when the temperatures were in the seventies. They have a restaurant at the Cambridge airport, and it was packed. I had a great breakfast and reflected on the great summer and how crowded the "ramp" (airplane parking lot) was. The temp got up to eighty by the time I left for home. Wife had taken her show dog to the doggie workshop. Her dog won big on Sunday. My buddy Clark was over later. It got up to ninety on the temp! We swam in the pool. Too hot to do anything else. Toward sunset when it cooled back down we went to Federalsburg, a town 5 miles away. For dinner in the diner. We took the VW with of course no AC. But it has those little wing windows, remember those? Clark drove, and he used to have a "V" about 35 years ago.
Trump.
I like Trump. He's entertaining. And funny. Everybody likes him. GOP's like him because he's critical of Obama. Dems like him because he will harm the GOP. I like him because he's zest for the boring news cycle. I'm a liberal. All my friends are conservatives. All my friends hate Obama. I love Obama. I'm getting older. I mean we are all getting older. I don't care too much about anything anymore. So I'm not into politics much. But I'm curious about religion and politics and how they mix. I want everyone to like me. So I hope you will still like me if I like Obama. And maybe I can make some points with my conservative friends by liking Trump. Right now there are two things that I don't understand about the coming debate: 1. Why don't we hold off about all this until November when the election is about a year away! This is like xmas decorations before Halloween. 2. Why is the media and electorate so excited about the upcoming debate? The debate is a pseudo event. Invented by a cable network. The number of candidates allowed to debate is arbitrary. You could have such a debate any time you want. It's unofficial. Also, aren't all the candidates Republicans? They are on the same side.
Religion.
Lately I've been hearing more and more folks say the expression "have a blessed day". Some people just can't help but try to advertise the fact that they are Christian. By saying "bye bye" in that way, they are including me in their religious world. Maybe I should reply: "Blessed by whom?" There are lots of gods to choose from. Muslims seem to be doing 90 percent of the terrorism in the world.
Faith based murder. I wish Christianity could distance itself from Islam. Christians don't believe in "killing the infidels". Too bad that the Christian God is the same God that Islam worships. The God of Abraham. Granted, he is a pretty violent God.
Ethanol
A few Sundays ago in this beautiful Summer it was another gorgeous day with the usual chance of showers. I was in need of non-ethanol gas. As you know, all our gas at the pumps is 10 percent ethanol. Forced by the government. Why, I don't know. All vehicles run worse because of it. The fuel does not store well. It rots engine parts. Turns everything black with a layer of crud. I
needed some "non eth" for my mower. So I went in my truck with some gas cans to find non eth in Cambridge about 20 miles south. The place I had heard about did not carry it. I had heard of another place further south. So I went looking, but no joy. I found myself about 20 miles north of my friend's new place on Hoopers Island. So I decided to go there. I had never been to Hoopers or Taylors Island. With no directions, I got lost and wound up at Taylor's Island. Got directions to Hoopers. Crossed it's bridge. Got more directions at the general store. Found my friends place.
OMG. I couldn't believe it. 700 feet of bay front with 270 degree view of bay from windows of the house. The sea wall was of incredible quality on the whole 700 feet. The house is a 65 year old cottage in desperate need of renovation. With a small guest cabin and two nice sheds, all in need of renovation. If you want waterfront, then you need to do what my friend did. Go big on land, small on house. I was so impressed, I was speechless. (that's indeed rare for me). I need to do a whole post on this place. I was supposed to go to Easton for a date dinner with wife that night. I followed behind my friend to go back to Cambridge, but I was way late for our dinner plans. I couldn't call with no cell service on the island. But I finally got hold of wife and she agreed to take her car and meet me at our favorite rendezvous. As my friend George was leading me in his truck I got him on his cell and told him we were driving in the area where I had heard about the non eth but there was no station where the directions took me, George then said "Look to your left, a Marine Gas sign! I did, and there it was! I made a ubee and said goodbye to George.
A dark quiet booth. My seafood and her veggies. A Sam Adams summer ale. Wearing a dressy shirt my wife had brought for me to cover my salty grey t shirt. We ate in satisfied silence. I was going to tell her all about Hoopers Island. Finally I said: "Honey, you look like a million dollars clear of taxes"
My last post was in the Spring. Now it's mid summer. Just had a blue moon on Friday. And now it's August. The mornings have been wonderful. I sit in the shade There is always a bit of a breeze. Wife occasionally joins me. We drink coffee. Evenings have been fantastic. Sunsets. Lightning light shows. Bright moons and moon shadows. Saturday, August 1st I took the little airplane about 14 miles to Cambridge to fill it up with gas. It only holds 14 gallons. My Ford pick up hold 25 gallons. I made this flight in the morning when the temperatures were in the seventies. They have a restaurant at the Cambridge airport, and it was packed. I had a great breakfast and reflected on the great summer and how crowded the "ramp" (airplane parking lot) was. The temp got up to eighty by the time I left for home. Wife had taken her show dog to the doggie workshop. Her dog won big on Sunday. My buddy Clark was over later. It got up to ninety on the temp! We swam in the pool. Too hot to do anything else. Toward sunset when it cooled back down we went to Federalsburg, a town 5 miles away. For dinner in the diner. We took the VW with of course no AC. But it has those little wing windows, remember those? Clark drove, and he used to have a "V" about 35 years ago.
Trump.
I like Trump. He's entertaining. And funny. Everybody likes him. GOP's like him because he's critical of Obama. Dems like him because he will harm the GOP. I like him because he's zest for the boring news cycle. I'm a liberal. All my friends are conservatives. All my friends hate Obama. I love Obama. I'm getting older. I mean we are all getting older. I don't care too much about anything anymore. So I'm not into politics much. But I'm curious about religion and politics and how they mix. I want everyone to like me. So I hope you will still like me if I like Obama. And maybe I can make some points with my conservative friends by liking Trump. Right now there are two things that I don't understand about the coming debate: 1. Why don't we hold off about all this until November when the election is about a year away! This is like xmas decorations before Halloween. 2. Why is the media and electorate so excited about the upcoming debate? The debate is a pseudo event. Invented by a cable network. The number of candidates allowed to debate is arbitrary. You could have such a debate any time you want. It's unofficial. Also, aren't all the candidates Republicans? They are on the same side.
Religion.
Lately I've been hearing more and more folks say the expression "have a blessed day". Some people just can't help but try to advertise the fact that they are Christian. By saying "bye bye" in that way, they are including me in their religious world. Maybe I should reply: "Blessed by whom?" There are lots of gods to choose from. Muslims seem to be doing 90 percent of the terrorism in the world.
Faith based murder. I wish Christianity could distance itself from Islam. Christians don't believe in "killing the infidels". Too bad that the Christian God is the same God that Islam worships. The God of Abraham. Granted, he is a pretty violent God.
Ethanol
A few Sundays ago in this beautiful Summer it was another gorgeous day with the usual chance of showers. I was in need of non-ethanol gas. As you know, all our gas at the pumps is 10 percent ethanol. Forced by the government. Why, I don't know. All vehicles run worse because of it. The fuel does not store well. It rots engine parts. Turns everything black with a layer of crud. I
needed some "non eth" for my mower. So I went in my truck with some gas cans to find non eth in Cambridge about 20 miles south. The place I had heard about did not carry it. I had heard of another place further south. So I went looking, but no joy. I found myself about 20 miles north of my friend's new place on Hoopers Island. So I decided to go there. I had never been to Hoopers or Taylors Island. With no directions, I got lost and wound up at Taylor's Island. Got directions to Hoopers. Crossed it's bridge. Got more directions at the general store. Found my friends place.
OMG. I couldn't believe it. 700 feet of bay front with 270 degree view of bay from windows of the house. The sea wall was of incredible quality on the whole 700 feet. The house is a 65 year old cottage in desperate need of renovation. With a small guest cabin and two nice sheds, all in need of renovation. If you want waterfront, then you need to do what my friend did. Go big on land, small on house. I was so impressed, I was speechless. (that's indeed rare for me). I need to do a whole post on this place. I was supposed to go to Easton for a date dinner with wife that night. I followed behind my friend to go back to Cambridge, but I was way late for our dinner plans. I couldn't call with no cell service on the island. But I finally got hold of wife and she agreed to take her car and meet me at our favorite rendezvous. As my friend George was leading me in his truck I got him on his cell and told him we were driving in the area where I had heard about the non eth but there was no station where the directions took me, George then said "Look to your left, a Marine Gas sign! I did, and there it was! I made a ubee and said goodbye to George.
A dark quiet booth. My seafood and her veggies. A Sam Adams summer ale. Wearing a dressy shirt my wife had brought for me to cover my salty grey t shirt. We ate in satisfied silence. I was going to tell her all about Hoopers Island. Finally I said: "Honey, you look like a million dollars clear of taxes"
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