Stream of Consciousness

A blog post from Lloyd after months of nada.  Here comes more nada. Who knows, maybe a tidbit of something coherent.  I feel lucky.  That's a weird thing to say considering we are just at the beginning, on Sunday March, 29, 2020, of this pandemic.  I feel thankful.  I am thankful for the dedication of our health professionals.  I am concerned, frightened and saddened about them as their PPE safety equipment is either in extremely short supply or non-existent.  There is a lot of tragedy to go around. There is a lot of heroic sacrifice and bravery too.  I'm grateful to be on the sideline and not in the arena.  But I have a question. Since I was already burned out over the last six years with some tough changes.  And I had worked on ways of forgetting the past and realizing I couldn't predict the future.  And sometimes I can successfully stop time and it's trappings and just "be".  Turning off one's mind is no easy task.  But I've had some good teachers, and it's not rocket science.  Takes practice.  OK here's my question.  In the face of the crisis,  when my only job is "shelter at home".  Should I feel guilty because I can unplug it all, and not just be free of despair,  but actually be happy in the moment. Two out of three mentors couldn't handle the question much better than I could.  I did get the answer from a Sioux Indian's book.  Written by Billy Mills.  A guy who won the 10,000 meter run in the Olympics in Japan in 1964.  Never been won by an American before,  and never won by an American since.  His story and his teachings made me cry.  After my cancer treatments I used to cry a lot.  Usually it was when I was talking about a friend or family member and describing their strength, wisdom and kindness.  But back about a year ago,  the crying slowed down and stopped.  Now with the pandemic it has come back again.  When I think of, or talk about the health professionals,  some who are friends and family.  I'm glad the crying is back.  I know it means I'm a bit mental,  but I don't care.   Readers.. I love you.  Please be safe.   Now I shall read a book about "showing up"  in one's own life! With my wife's cat.  She's a portal to the "Now".        LLITTY           :::::+:::::