Tonight is for Crying

The sad end came for my beloved dog "Jake" tonight. He hid himself in a corner under the kitchen table and would not move. I crawled under there with him. He would not eat a dog treat. He would not eat tuna fish out of my hand. He would not drink water. His panting had turned to a kind of coughing. He looked at me and his eyes said he was tired and he was done. My wife called the vet's answering service and the doc called us back immediately. It was about 8PM. We took him to the vet's office. I had to carry him to the car. He had never let me pick him up before, except when he was a little puppy. I petted him and talked to him all the way to Easton. We put him on a stretcher at the office and carried him in. The Doc was very kind to us and to Jake. As Jake went to his final long sleep I petted him and talked to him the whole time. The doc said he was gone. I couldn't move or talk. I just kept petting him as my eyes filled with tears and my throat lumped closed. He was the only dog of my own I had ever had. He taught me love, devotion, and loyalty. I will never ever forget him. I've been grieving here for the last month because I knew he was dying so I am OK and I was prepared. But my heart is broken tonight. And maybe forever. Goodbye Jaker. I'll never again get to lie on my bed with you and watch tv. Or give you treats you love like McD's Mcdouble plain. Or walk with you on the airstrip while you wander across both sides following old scents and scaring up new ones. Or see you bark and darn near nip at every single person except wife, son, and me. Or see you on the back deck waiting for me for hours as I mow and when I finally come in you howl to scold me for leaving you so long. I tell you a treat will make it better and you wag your tail. You loved riding in the Subaru which you rode in tonight. But you loved the pickup even more. You would watch the road for bunnies and foxes, then lay down with your nose on my leg. No matter where I was, you were there. Always. Thanks for teaching me real love. Thanks for loving me when I was being a jerk and no one else would. From now on I will address my journal entries to you Jake. To keep you up to date on Daddy. You will never be really gone to me. Remember when you were a puppy Jake? I told you every day that mommy was going to get you all your shots, take you to the vets, give you your worm medicine, and fix it so you don't have to sleep under that ole trailer anymore.